Here is a quick quiz to help you see.
Then circle the number for each item. By circling the number of each item that applies to your situation, you are saying that the statement is “True”. By not circling the number, you are saying that the statement is “False”.
When you’re done, simply go back and count the total number of items you marked as True. Then, read the Self-Assessment section at the bottom of this survey.
- I no longer trust my partner.
- My partner used to your best friend, but not now.
- They are a narcissist and could care less about my hopes and dreams.
- Sex isn’t good anymore.
- I am always helping my partner but they don’t return the favor.
- We just don’t agree on what’s important.
- My partner stays out late and comes home angry and/or drunk.
- I feel perpetually alone and/or lonely in our relationship.
- We fight almost all the time and nothing ever seems to get resolved.
- I’m scared to be around him/her.
- None of my family or friends like my partner.
- I feel like I’m with a child who just doesn’t want to grow up.
- I keep finding evidence that they may be having an affair.
- My partner spends more time away from home than at home.
- My partner is becoming increasingly jealous even though there is no reason for him/her to be.
- My partner is never there for me when I am in a real crisis.
- We can’t seem to make easy decisions together.
- My partner does not assume my good will.
- We’re in a perpetual rut and can’t seem to get out of it.
- My partner spends more time on their electronic devices.
- My partner is not grateful for what I do for them.
- I keep thinking about prior lovers who treated me better.
- I can’t even imagine this person being a parent to my child.
- We don’t talk anymore. We’re basically two ships passing in the night.
- I’d rather be alone than live like this.
- We no longer do the little things we used to do.
- My partner refuses to get any counseling.
- I’m past the point of feelings hurt or angry. Now I just don’t care.
- I can’t stand the thought of them touching me.
- I am looking for more reasons to not be with my partner.
Write down additional reasons and concerns here. Use the back of this page if you need more room.
Self-Assessment Results and Guidelines:
Since every relationship is different, it is not always an easy task to determine whether or not it’s time to break up. There may also be additional reasons that are not listed in this survey so it’s important to keep that in mind. Having said that, here are some general guidelines that may or may not apply to your specific circumstances.
If you’ve marked 5 items or less, you’re probably in pretty good shape and perhaps just need to focus on those few issues between the two of you.
If you’ve marked more than 10 items, it may just be a bad patch you’re going through, or it’s quite possible that there may be something worse going on. It may be time to get some help with this.
If you’ve marked more than 15 of these items, then your relationship is in significant trouble. It is definitely time to get some help.
Safety Note: If you are in a domestic violence situation and living in fear for your physical safety, immediately leave and stay with someone who you feel safe with such as a trusted family member or friend. If you are in a DV situation, your life may be in jeopardy and the numerical score on this assessment no longer matters. Your safety matters most. Get out. Get out now.
I hope that this article was helpful in assessing the current state of your relationship. I certainly understand that making a decision to continue or break up is obviously important and not always so easy to do. Please feel free to contact me if you would like some help in figuring all of this out. I’ve helped thousands of people navigate these choppy relationship waters and would be happy to help you out in any way I can.