logo

(310) 208-3105
DrGaryBrown@gmail.com

Gary Brown

  • Home
  • About
  • Services
    • Individuals
    • Couples
    • Adolescents
    • Parenting Coaching
  • Appointment Request
  • Articles
    • Couples
    • Dating
    • Family
    • General counseling
    • Individuals
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
    • Teens
  • Media
  • Contact

New Year’s Resolutions and Goals: What’s the Difference & the Secrets to Make Them Actually Work

January 2, 2018 by Dr. Gary Brown

resolutions, goals, life goals, life planning, personal development, personal success, self improvement, Dr. Gary Brown, Los Angeles therapist, individual therapy, relationship therapy, DrGaryLATherapist

resolutions, goals, life goals, life planning, personal development, personal success, self improvement, Dr. Gary Brown, Los Angeles therapist, individual therapy, relationship therapy, DrGaryLATherapist

Welcome to 2018!

So, I was up last night after everyone else had gone to bed. My thoughts were focusing on what message I wanted the first blog of the year to be. I wanted it to be meaningful for you and not a repetition of the usual New Year’s “resolutions.”

And that got me to thinking about the different meanings of that word – resolutions – and another word, “goals.”  They are often used interchangeably and, to an extent, I can see why. But I also think there are important differences between the two terms. Knowing the difference between the two of them and how to use them together is the secret.

The truth is, by itself, I’ve never really liked the word “resolution.” For so many people, it’s laced with unmet, long-term, vague, or sometimes unrealistic goals, e.g. I just decided that I’m going to run a marathon in March and will start training in February. It’s just plain too hard to maintain our motivation under these circumstances. This diminished enthusiasm is probably one of the main reasons research shows that more than 80% of New Year’s resolutions are broken.

When vague, resolutions can look like, “I want to be closer to people.” That’s a truly nice resolution, to focus on but what does being close to people really mean to you? What does being close to people actually look like? How do I you know if you accomplished it? For me, the answer lies in setting goals. Why?

The word “goals” has more of a sense of being a specific target that is realistically achievable within a defined amount of time. A goal requires action! A goal, by definition, requires a conscious intention to do something.

So, if I state my resolution of wanting to be closer to people, then I simply start a list of goals to help me bring my resolution to life. I have a simple two-step recipe:

1. Make a Resolution. Determine what it is that you want, wish, need, or desire in your life. What is your resolve?

2. Target Specific Goals to help you achieve your resolution. Be specific about your intention(s). When possible, give yourself a timeline in which to achieve your short and long-term goals. There’s an old saying:

A goal is a dream with a deadline.  –  Napoleon Hill

resolutions, goals, life goals, life planning, personal development, personal success, self improvement, Dr. Gary Brown, Los Angeles therapist, individual therapy, relationship therapy, DrGaryLATherapist

To help you out, here’s an example for my first and most important Resolution for 2018, and my Goals to make it happen.

My Resolution: I Want To Experience More Connection

There is a great amount of research that clearly shows an increased emotional connection with ourselves and with others, can dramatically enhance our mental and physical well-being. A lack of personal and intimate connection will likely lead to a life of isolation and extreme loneliness. In short, we need each other.

For me, there simply is no more powerful experience than to enjoy an emotional connection with people. It is a delightful, warm, and fulfilling experience. And the deeper the connection, the greater the experience of closeness. I naturally want more!

My Goals To Experience More Connection

1. I am going to call a minimum of one person a week who I may not have actually talked to in real life, or in a very long time. Facebook doesn’t count. Neither does Instagram, SnapChat, texting, or an email. This action item is logged into my calendar with two alerts.

2. On each of my weekly phone calls, I am going to express gratitude to each person I talk with. I wrote an entire blog on this. It may not be a big thing to some, but so many people really like to know why we love them. It’s a small thing that can make a huge difference in someone’s life. That always feels good.

3. I am going to invite people on Facebook to have a phone conversation. If I don’t have their phone number, I’ll give them mine in a PM (no sense in putting this out publicly).

To help facilitate this, I am going to go “radio silent” on Facebook for the first week in February. This action is going to prompt me to reach out to even more people.

4. I am going to look over my “A-List” by Saturday, January 6th. My goal is to expand important relationships and specifically focus on people with whom I miss having contact. Intentionally choosing people who genuinely want more connection is my highest priority.

5. I am going to add two more charities to which I donate. I have already picked one and will decide on the second one by the end of this week. You might ask why this is related to wanting to experience more connection? It’s simple; the more I give, the more I feel connected.

6. I’m going to ask each person I talk to, “What specific thing(s) can I do to help support you in your life right now?” I genuinely want to know what they want, need, and desire. Again, this is such a simple thing to do and just asking this question lets people in my life know that I love and care for them. And this automatically leaves us both feeling closer and more connected.

7. And, of course, one very specific thing I can also do to enhance connection, is to follow this specific goal: put down my electronic devices when talking with someone!  Have you noticed how often you’re with others on an electronic device? Take a look at that blog post to learn some practical tips proven to help us all be more connected. You may find one or two that you also would like to take on and practice!

I hope that my personal example of a single resolution and the goals to achieve it are helpful. You can apply this simple model to virtually any change you want in your life. Be as specific as you can, be patient, think about the results you want in the short and long-term, and be flexible as life has a habit of throwing an occasional curveball!

This is one of my very favorite things to do with my clients. They frequently tell me that they particularly enjoy this activity when they see what new and exciting things are really possible in their lives! If you would like help with your own resolutions and goals, give me a call and let’s see what we can do to help you achieve them.

Filed Under: Individuals Tagged With: goal setting, goals, life goals, life planning, new year, new years resolutions, personal development, personal goals, resolutions, self improvement, success

Search This Website

Guidance from Gary:

"People who learn to settle for more are truly grateful for what they already have...and expand from there."

- Gary

Counseling Services

  • Counseling for Individuals
  • Counseling for Couples
  • Counseling for Adolescents
  • Coaching for Parents

Hot Topics

  • Navigate Valentine’s Day With Ease
  • Three Phases of Romantic Love
  • Can It Be? Is Love at First Sight Real?

As featured in:


Related Posts

boyfriend, meet family, holidays, relationships, dating, Dr. Gary Brown, Los Angeles therapist, individual therapy, relationship therapy, DrGaryLATherapist

Is It Time to Invite Your SO Home for the Holidays?

The holidays are upon us and you may be wondering if you should bring your boyfriend or girlfriend home for the holidays. This is one of those major milestones in a relationship, so there is a lot to consider. Elite Daily recently interviewed me about Should You Bring Your SO Home for Thanksgiving? 4 Signs […]

relationship, marriage, couples counseling, Dr. Gary Brown, Los Angeles therapist, individual therapy, relationship therapy, suicide, depression, anxiety, death, Dr. Gary Brown, Los Angeles therapist, individual therapy, relationship therapy, DrGaryLATherapist

3 Common Relationship Fears and How to Move Beyond Them

We all have fears in our relationships. It’s absolutely normal. I was recently interviewed by Elite Daily about what are the most common fears and how to best address them proactively with your partner. If you are in a relationship where fears are starting to get in the way of your togetherness or you simply […]

Related Posts

friends, love, relationships, Dr. Gary Brown, Los Angeles therapist, individual therapy, relationship therapy, DrGaryLATherapist

How to Know If You’re in Love with Your Best Friend

    You spend a lot of time together, you laugh a lot, you have inside jokes and shared stories. You seem to balance each other and have great conversations and chemistry. Lately when you’ve been together things may have been affectionate and it’s getting you thinking. It could make sense that you and your […]

Dr. Gary Brown, therapy in LA, relationship therapy, how to know they are NOT the one

12 Signs That He or She Is Not “The One”

One of the struggles that bring single people the greatest pain is related to the confusion about whether their current boyfriend or girlfriend is “The One.” You can imagine what it might be like for the couple in the picture below as one, or both, of them, are wondering whether the other really is “the […]

Dr. Gary Brown

PhD, LMFT, FAPA
310-208-3105
drgarybrown@gmail.com

921 Westwood Blvd
Suite 226
Los Angeles, CA. 90024

Find My Office

If you have any questions or would like to schedule an appointment, please do not hesitate to contact me. I would love to work with you!

Contact Me »

Appointments »
Privacy Policy
Site Provided by Brighter Vision